Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
