Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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