doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
