so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
