Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
FUCK WHALES
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I party with great urgency now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
