You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
