dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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