I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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