Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
That was before I lit my hair on fire
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
