This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize