if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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