Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, beer. Big fan.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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