moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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