If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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