gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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