I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
