my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
