Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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