So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
