i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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