she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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