Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
