what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
