My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
