it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
