I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
