my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
