Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
