dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I want a musical about memes.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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