Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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