Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize