is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
