normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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