i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
