Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
