im six kinds of drunk right now
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
