my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
