so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
