Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
