ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
