look no pants
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
