apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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