Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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