So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
