3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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