Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
