If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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