I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize