just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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