id be glad to
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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