oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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