Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
