Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
