Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's never too late to be topless.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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