96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
