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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
