DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
