...so i touched it.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize