I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
