Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
