That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just found puke in my bra..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
