is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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